Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
