so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
