youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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