It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
