i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
