I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
