I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The Olympian is in my bed
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