I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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