Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
