At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
