I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
