He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
