So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
