the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
