nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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