I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
two words...techno handjob
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
