did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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