i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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