dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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