Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
