I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
