Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
