And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You should frame my arrest warrant.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
