I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
