I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
