Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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