he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
