We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
