Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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