You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
