I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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