...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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