my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
