I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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