Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
