just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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