Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
