I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
