it wasn't lemon gatorade
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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