i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
