he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
