I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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