Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
