was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
