nut hugger
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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