Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
