Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
