I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
