I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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