Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if only i could text you this smell
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
