I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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