I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
